A chapel on campus from way back when. A candle's flickering red glow in the corner. A sliver of moonlight streaming through the stained glass windows. The cross and altar are merely shadows. All the usual sounds of college night life are muted. Quiet and still.
It quiets my soul. It stills my mind. It soothes my spirit.
The constant communal life is draining - shared living spaces, noisy cafeteria, crowded classrooms, study groups, the steady hum of a busy library. There is no "free" time and this introvert is weary.
Here, I can simply be. I don't fear being alone. I remember Jesus often went away alone. I don't fear being in a dark, shadowy space. I remember Jesus went to that ultimate dark, shadowy place. I embrace it whole-heartedly.
Here, I can let go of the worries that keep my mind racing and my heart uneasy: the harsh, thoughtless words said in irritation; the lack of cash for a night out with friends; the embarrassing grade on a test in spite of reading, studying, and an all-nighter; the guy friend to whom I've said no gently several times and now I'm the mean girl for being more assertive and on the receiving end of don't-you-know what-a-great-guy-he-is-do-you-think-you're-too-good-for-him rants from his friends; that research paper in which I've barely made a dent.
Each breath is a prayer. I inhale deeply. Fresh air. On each exhale, I let go. The noise. The chaos. The crowd. Each worry. Each mistake. Removed.
I am renewed.
I still go and it still gives me peace.
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